Fatpackers – These people claim to have come travelling for the ‘experience’ – if that experience is catching a bus tour from city to city, stopping for a day or so in each place only to sit in the TV lounge and veg out to reruns of UK shows.

Unofficial tour guides – These couples have been through the guidebook with a fine tooth comb, ticking off each activity as they complete it. They use adjectives such as ‘Unbelievable!’ ‘Majestic!’ and ‘Awe-inspiring!’ to describe everything, as if somehow their experience of the exact same activity you completed yourself was a lot more rewarding.

Hippie-Wannabes – Yes, everyone that stays in a hostel is going to get dirty, to a certain extent. But these people take it to a whole new level. They have long dreaded hair matted beyond repair, wear the same tatty vest every day and clog up the communal fridge with various types of herbal/organic shit. Yes, they stink.

Stoners – These people swarm round hostel gardens like locusts. They’re always the ones who bagsy the hammocks and stay in them all day.

Paps – These people take photos. Taking some photos is fine, as it helps to sustain memories over many years. But you know you have taken too many photos when you could make a stop-motion film of that same bit of fucking lake/mountain. They also never let you touch the camera when they’re making you look through them all, as they know your finger would be held on the ‘skip through’ button. Oh, and they can’t actually take good photos, either.

Dudes\Dudettes – These people are a permanent fixture on the sun loungers at Midday, volleyball court mid-afternoon and hot-tub in the evening. These poor creatures don’t seem to own t-shirts.

Weirdos – These people establish an uncomfortable atmosphere wherever they stay. They don’t talk in the dorms, constantly look at you with suspicious eyes and label up their milk with notes that say ‘DON’T TOUCH’ – which you don’t, as you know you’d be buried under lime somewhere in the outback if you did.

 

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