University can be a scary place new city, new subject and new friends. Making friends can be hard however you have us to tell you who is a cunt and who is not.

These are the 10 types of student you will meet at uni. Please read this before you ruin your life!



The gap year knob head.

Gap Year

This knob head has spent the last yeah traveling the world (even getting lost in India). They will turn up just in time for Freshers with a fresh tan and a new set of friendship braclets, and they’ll tell you have ‘spiritual’ the whole experience was. The good news is you will not know them long as soon as it is Christmas they will be off to Thailand, because the world needs them, so I am told.

The laid back stoner.

Pot Head

He does not know, who you are, where he is, what course he is on, what uni he is at and is always skint. Beware he will not hesitate to raid your cupboards for microwave meals and Doritos. However always knows when there is a house party on!

Rich kid on campus.

Rich Kid

WARNING AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Unless you are a gold digger Trout. He is usually on Instagram and considers himself an elite, don’t bother talking to him he will find you when he needs a favour (they are usually think a shit!

The true Hip Hop fan.

Hip hop

You know when you have met one of these as they will say ‘Bro’ a LOT! Stay away from him as being seen with him is social suicide at university as you will end up listening to his demo.


The festival wanker.


This lot make gap year knobs seem ok. Please do not let yourself become one. PLEASE. They have never been to a gig before uni and spen most of their time at festivals watching complete nobodies constantly uploading photos of wellies, shit face paint and how shit the weather is.


The head boy/girl.

Head Boy

The won the popularity vote at high school and became head boy/girl however uni is a different game. They will destroy you if you’re a dick head. You can usually find them…on their own….


The professional masturbator.


They will ALWAYS be late, and you will never know why but you have your suspicions. Usually they will tell you that they are going for a shower and then you will not see them for 1 hour. Never shake their hand…ever!

The secret swot.


The ultimate pain, you always catch them with their laptop out in the quite areas of campus. Every time there is a test they will say they have not studied yet they pass with flying colours, yeah whatever mate!


The boyfriend.


This guy picked his uni and course based on what his girlfriend picked and spends every minute with her. And the majority of his student loan goes on her. It is tuff for some.


The one that is never outdone.


It’s a well-known fact that in uni you get drunk a lot but this guy would make Amy Winehouse look like a Jehovah witness. No way is he going to pass. Just invite him to every party as he is the life and soul of everyone.

The list is endless but I am sure you will make the best choice 😉