We’ve all heard awful chat up lines that get turned down quicker than a Syrian at the European border. We have found 8 that are so bad they might actually work. Have a look and see what you think.

1.“I May be a Griffindor but I’d Slytherin you any day” – one for the Harry Potter lovers, this is a niche market that will either go down really really well or flop like a failed wingardium leviosa. Give it a go, its so bad it might work.


2. Next time you’re going through airport security, leave your keys in your pocket so you have to get frisked, walk up to the woman and say “I have nothing to declare except that you can strip search me if I can strip search you”. You may end up being probed but you may also enjoy a quickie in the private interview room. It’s a risk worth taking.


3. This one is for when a lovely looking Trout asks you the time

“Do you have the time?”

“Yeah, do you have the energy?”

A play on words that’s funny and not too crude, so she knows you have a sense of humour from the start. Then actually give her the time and say you have a spare minute for a coffee, and convert.


4. “You’re just like my little toe”


“Because I’m going to bang you on every bit of furniture in my house”

Straight to the point, clever, and lets her know just how it is. Beds are over rated.


5. If you’re in uni and there’s a fittie in your lectures, go up to her and say “Could you help me with my coursework? I think I know a formula that might work. Add a bed, subtract clothes, divide your legs and hope we don’t multiply”. This could get you a slap but it could also lead to bagging the best looking Trout on your course. Better still, go into a random lecture so you never have to see her again once mission is accomplished.


6. This one has a bit of a long game to it, when you walk into your watering hole of choice, find the Trout you fancy and start talking to her. Play gay. Then say “I bet you £100 you cant turn me straight” If she doesn’t see through it straight away you’re in. She wants to test her abilities, and you just have to go along for the ride.


7. “I’m a like a firefighter. I find them hot and leave them wet” If that doesn’t work, proceed to then tell her that you actually are a fire fighter. They gag for that shit.


8. “Do you know your ABCs? Cause I’m going to give you the 4th Letter of the Alphabet.” Another crude one that gets straight to the point. Arrogance and the knowledge that you’re better than everyone else is key for ones like this. That Trout would be lucky to experience you, and she knows you know it.

Happy Fishing.