New Years Resolutions
With Christmas over and a bloating stomach at hand it’s fair to say that 2016 is firmly in our grasps so it’s now time to make it well and truly epic and get those New Year Resolutions underway! Here are 8 ways to kick start 2016 and make a real difference. Everyone needs a dream now time to go get it!
- Have a Football Trial with a Major Club
If you’re a true Scouting For Trout fisherman then you’ve probably had the dream of playing in the likes of the Premier League. If Jamie Vardy can get from non-league to goal scoring champ so can you!
Your showcase to the scouts with a bit of blag could comprise of your FIFA prowess and good Football Manager stats to show to a Money ball type regime in order to prove you belong with the best of the best.
Let’s be honest as much as we love the game the only reason we want to become footballers is to get that 250K a week pay cheque, the big titted trout and the Lamborghini in the driveway. Heck we will even take £70,000 a week to sit on the bench!
2. Become a Celebrity
There are now a million ways to become famous, but why can’t you in 2016 pull off the Kim Kardashian method of obtaining fame.
Okay you may not have as good as ass as Kim, but we like big butts and we cannot lie so we say eat more chips and Greggs sausage rolls and film a porno. You will be on to a sure fire winner for sure.
If you do become a celebrity your life will be so much easier, plus pulling trout will be a piece of piss and people will be giving you products for free.
A life in the Jungle and Big Brother house awaits, but just think of the upsides to what you could have. Okay you will have developed a cocaine addiction, but fuck it when you are a celebrity you can do what you want right?
3. Crash Your Car
In 2015 we saw a lot of supercars crashing and strangely it turns out that if you own a Lamborghini you automatically drive like a dick, who would of thought?
Okay so you might not be crashing a Lamborghini, it will probably be your Nissan Micra, but look at the positives as you will end up on You’ve Been Framed and get yourself £250. Still probably more than what you would get for your Nissan Micra.
4. Shag 1000 Trout
This means shagging in 2016!
Get yourself on tinder and catch as much trout as you can. Everyone for New Years Resolutions needs an aim and ambition so we say sleep with 1000 trout in 2016. That’s around 83 a month, 19 a week, 2 a day.
Do you think you can manage 2 shags a day? Pop a fisherman’s friend and you will be in for the year of your life and remember Trout fans every fisherman loves a challenge.
5. Go To Amsterdam
2015 was all about Ibiza, and quite frankly we are sick of seeing our Facebook feeds filled with stories about trout going to Ibiza thinking they are Paris Hilton at Ocean Beach Club when in fact they are spending their student loan and Daddy’s money to only live off Super Noodles the next day.
Break the status quo and go to Amsterdam on a lads’ holiday!
We can guarantee that you will love the nightlife just as much because the music is amazing and you can get fucked up. Legally.
Amsterdam is close enough that you can go for a weekend with out having to use any of your holidays up and it is far enough away that your trout girlfriend will not be hassling you when you are with the lads.
6. Gate Crash a Movie Premier
If you are a proper fisherman then chances are you have gate crashed a few house parties, but that is so 2015.
The perfect new years resolution would be to gate crash a Movie premier. They are the ultimate parties full of celebrities, tons of booze and you also get a movie. Think of that lad who managed to blag his way into the opening of Spectre!
If you are not into it for the movie then you at least need to go for the after parties as that is where it all kicks off and who knows you could end up pulling Rhianna and having Vodka shots with Leonardo DiCaprio.
8. Apply for X-Factor
Okay so X-Factor is getting old and not like it used to be, but what if someone properly bucked the trend and said I have no dead parents, I am not in a wheel chair and I am alive and well all I want to do is get paid and laid.
We would vote for you and if you can prove you are Scottish at the same time you know that votes will come in their thousands as they have nothing else to cheer about outside Irn Bru and Gary Anderson.
Have we missed any out? Let us know by tweeting us @ScoutForTrout