1. Scope out the Trout
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It’s easy to become that twat, who runs around with a bit of mistletoe at the Christmas party trying to get a pull, but you are fishermen and we are better than that.

If you’re trying to get the Moby Dick of the fishing world which ultimately is the festive blow job at the Christmas party then you will need to do a bit more work.

Make sure you do the work early on in the pursuit as it will make your life easy when trying to close, scoping out the right trout is necessary to getting your Christmas stocking a bit of a filling.

Look out for the slag of the office every office has one and you can usually find them surrounded by blokes with a bottle of Bacardi in their left hand and a list of bad decisions in the other, she is the trout you need. Wait for that bait to bite… just not too hard of course!

2. Flirty Banter

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Remember Fisherman, you can’t just go over to her waving your cock as that will end up with you getting an awkward meeting with HR; it is all about the conversation.

It is early days for you getting this festive BJ so you are going to have to let your ability of being a stud take effect, keep the conversation light hearted and fun, get her laughing with your top class banter and make her blush with your questionable flirtiness.

This is imperative as the better the conversation is the more she starts to fancy you a bit which means that getting your festive blow job a whole lot easier. Even Santa needs to empty his big red sack so you should as well. It is Christmas after all.

3. Chemistry

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Blow jobs don’t come easy to trout so you’re going to have to build up a bit of chemistry with her before you try to close her. It’s like getting the net ready for the catch, but you need to buy a net in the first place.

This is where conversation will help as you can only get chemistry between you and the trout through talking to her. Accidentally be by the photo copier when she is and rub past her by mistake through a small space.

The best way to build chemistry with a trout is to ask questions about her, keep in mind it is not an interrogation, since it is Christmas ask about what she is doing, is she going home, is she staying that kind of bullshit.

4. Location, Location, Location

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As much as it happens in porn, a typical trout is not just going to give you a blowjob in a room full of people, and at the same time you cannot drag her into the toilets.

Location is really important as you need to get the trout in a place where she seems comfortable this could either be to a booth away from the crowd or in the smokers section outside anywhere really that gets here away from the crowed and gets you both one on one.

5. Timing

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Timing will play a factor here, but remember good fisherman you can’t just drop your pants down and have some mistletoe ready. You’re going to have to be more tactful than that.

Wait for a moment throughout the conversation to whip out the mistletoe. If you have done everything before correctly then it will not seem out of the blue. Firstly go for the pull to test the waters if all goes well then you can get a bit more intimate.

6. Objection Handling

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When you start getting a bit frisky the trout may have some objections especially if it’s the first date.

She might not want to seem easy, or perhaps she does not do blow jobs, either way she may be a lesbian in disguise on a prank from a friend. Either way failure to prepare, prepare to fail good fisherman.

7. Read Body Language

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Only try to go for a mistletoe blow job if you are sure she wants to.

You should be able to pick up the signals at this stage through body language. If the trout is acting resistant then back off and try and scope out another trout and start the process all over again, if she is acting confident and forward then you know you are in with a shout. We call it the shout trout.

8. Close It

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Make sure you close or it will never happen, biggest mistake fishermen make is not closing the trout and then they wonder why they never pull or get festive BJs as it’s all about the close.

Do not dance around like a dick or it will never happen just be cheeky with it and say something like “So do you want to lick my candy cane?” go on have fun with it!

 

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