1. Do Not Pre Judge or Assume

When it comes to online dating since there is so much choice it is easy to start to judge and make assumptions purely based on their photo. This attitude must avoided as you know nothing about that trout and anyone can look half decent via instagram.

That particular trout could of won the lottery but, because you ASSUMED she was a chav from that one pic she was wearing a pair of Kappa Tracksuit bottoms means you will miss out on all that cash.

Here’s the craic… don’t pre judge just based on pictures.

2. Do Not go in for The Kill


If you start a conversation with a trout online first impressions mean everything so don’t go in for the kill right away as it will just result in you getting blocked.

Try to avoid phrases such as ‘Get your gash out!’ or ‘Do you fancy a shag tonight?’ you are going to have no fish taking your bait with this type of language.

The real thing you need to avoid and that is sending a dick pic early on in the conversation that is the ultimate online dating killer for a trout or certainly not one to bring home to your Mum.

3. It is a Numbers Game when trying to become an Online Dating God


If one trout knocks you back online then don’t worry there is plenty of fish in the sea, like literally, there are millions of trout online looking for relationships so you have really good odds.

Online dating is a numbers game, you need to be spinning a lot of plates before you start to see results. Knock backs online are actually a positive as it will build your confidence to eventually catch that big fucking trout! Even fishermen practise!

4. Have Stock Questions


It can be difficult pulling a conversation out of thin air with someone who you don’t know or have never met, you have no idea what they are like or what they are into.

To avoid cyber awkwardness it’s perfect to have a few good ice breaker questions to get the conversation going and stops it getting stale. Pick open questions that stop the person answering with either yes or no. An example of this would be something like:

“Tell me what you do for a living?”

“Where about are you from?”

“What are you studying at University?”

These will help open up the conversation and break the ‘digital’ ice with your trout.

Or be entertaining with Snog Marry Avoid; Yourself, Barack Obama and Jack Black

5. Get Away from The Site


After you have got a bit of rapport with your trout instead of trying to close with a date try and close with a change of social media.

At this stage it’s too early to ask for a date and asking for her number just comes across as desperate so try and get her on snapchat or instagram as this way you can still stay in touch and exchange flirty conversation.

It’s not always a good idea to stay on the online dating site as people are not always as active on those medias as they are with Facebook, Twitter etc.  By getting away from the site you are able to reach then on a different level and find more about your potential trout.

6. Master Flanter (Flirty-Banter)


You’ll need to become the master of flanter (Flirty-Banter) as this is the best way to build rapport and be a bit flirty without coming across creepy.

To achieve maximum cheekiness then make full use of emoji’s and a bit of tongue and cheek humour. If you keep it ambiguous then you always have a way to talk yourself out of trouble if it ever back fires. Tread carefully young fisherman.

7. Have an Exit Strategy


In the world of online dating it’s important to have a strong exit strategy for when it goes wrong.

Online dating is about talking to as many people as possible so naturally there will be a few broken hearts. Make sure if you’re going man over board to have a strong exit plan to stop talking to the trout.

8. Photos are Crucial to be an Online Dating God


Your own photos are crucial to becoming an online dating god.

These online pics are the only visual representation of you that the trout will think of potentially in the shower so if you look like a dick then the trout is going to keep on swimming.

If you have gym selfies and photos of you in the bathroom flexing then you deserve to be castrated with a blunt fisherman’s knife.