- We Need to See the DNA Results
We all know the famous line ‘Luke I am Your Father’ but what do we really know about the Skywalker family history? just because his name is on the birth certificate does not mean that he is Luke’s biological father and it’s time for Jezza to find out the truth!
We wouldn’t rule out the possibility of Darth Vader having a one night stand with a trout he met in a Weatherspoons.
Anyone could be Luke’s father and we demand that there is a DNA test done ASAP and Jeremy Kyle is the man to carry it out.
If Jeremy Kyle can get crack heads off benefits and help marriages between trolls and fuck wits we are sure he can handle a simple who is the father case.
2. Is Luke Skywalker’s Mother a Slag From Bolton
In the Star Wars movies everyone thinks they know who Luke Skywalker’s Mum is, but instead of being Naboo imagine if she was a slag from Bolton.
Looking at the possibilities and facts in their own right, Luke’s Mum has shagged a 7ft Blackman dressed in Armour with asthma we can only presume she has to be a slag from Bolton.
Chances are they probably met at the job centre at the back of the Reebok while Darth Vader was on his way to a trial with Big Sam Allardyce.
3. He Cut Off His Own Son’s Hand?
If you have seen The Jeremy Kyle Show then you know that occasionally people get attached, people have been head-butted, punched, kicked and have caused broken bones.
Darth Vader cut off his own son’s hand in an attack and that is prime material for an appearance on The Jeremy Kyle Show.
Fuck it if he plays his cards right he may even end up with his own ITV2 reality program ‘Darth Vader: The Next Chapter from Beyond The Grave’.
4. Should His Children Be Taken Away From Him?
Jeremy would be all over Vader like hair on soap!
Vader has assaulted his kids and pressured his son to join him the dark side. With a couple of cans of Stella and a tank top he could be mistaken for an extra on ‘Shameless’.
Let’s face it his life is a disaster all he cares about is being a Sith Lord and come on Darth there is more to life!
We predict that if Darth Vader goes on the Jeremy Kyle show he would lose custody of his children with him choking out Jezza using the dark side of the force.
5. Jeremy is The Only One That Can Sort His Life Out
Jeremy might have lost his own wife. but it means he has time to concentrate on a big new project and that is exactly what Darth Vader needs…
6. Who Gets Custody?
This is one of the biggest debates on The Jeremy Kyle Show and that is who would get custody of the children, Vader can admit that has has not always been the most understanding father, so I cannot imagine him getting to keep his son and daughter. For Christ’s sake he choked a man to death by using the force because he made a mistake. The guy has some serious issues he needs to sort before getting his kids back like hiring Darth Maul to be a sith lord, who the fuck signed that off? He basically made and Ex-Bruce Lee fan a sith, that like making a McDonalds employee head chef of the death star.
7. He Needs to Stop Smoking Weed Get a Job, and Become a Father
Darth Vader is clearly high 90% of the time you see him. He is super lazy, talks super slow and is always speaking in riddles and let’s be honest what the fuck?
You know for a fact that he keeps a tube of pringles and a jar of Nutella under his desk along with a couple of splifs. Jezza will not stand anyone being a stoner, he immediately dislikes you and you’re getting your arse kicked. Jeremy would just say “You need to stop smoking weed and become a real father”.
Cue the epic light sabre fight between Darth Vader and Jeremy Kyle. Epic.
8. ‘My Father Wants Me To Join The Dark Side’
This would be the title of this particular episode on the Jeremy Kyle show; Darth Vader’s ultimate goal is to get Luke into the family business. There is only one person who can get to the bottom of this and his name is Jeremy Kyle.