In light of the recent news that Mark Zuckerberg has become a father for the first time Mark has said he will donate 45 Billion which works out to be 99% of his shares in Facebook to noble causes.

Now it’s all good giving large amounts of money away to cure diseases, decrease poverty and take that next step to world peace, however, here are 8 things we think Mark Zuckerberg should really spend his $45 Billion on.

  1. Get a Toilet Made Completely of Gold

Now if you have $45 BILLION to just give away then chances are you literally shit gold. However, instead of doing something obvious and noble with that money like giving it away to cancer research he could use that money and make himself a solid gold toilet, that way when you are shitting gold you will also be sitting on gold as well.

2. Pay for Charlie Sheen’s Rehab


After paying what seems to be every hooker in Hollywood off Charlie Sheen must have like literally no money, and after the news of him being HIV positive he is getting sued to fuck. If there is any one in need then it is him, we say use that $45 billion and pay for Sheen’s rehab sessions as he is obviously piss poor do get it done, or just pay for loads of cocaine either way he would probably be happy.

3. Pay for a Porn Star to Give BJ’s to Pensioners


To be honest we think this is a really good cause to get behind… if you excuse the pun because millions of pensioners are being swindled of their pensions for boner pills.

These people need help, these people need regular BJ’s from a porn star who knows what she is doing and we bet a load of horny pensioners wouldn’t mind a bit of tidy brunette trout knocking about. Go on Mr Zuckerber do the honourable thing!

4. Invest in Lamborghini Robots


Robots are 100% a thing of the future, but how far down the line could we be waiting?

After seeing movies such as Transformers we think that the money Zuckerberg is going to give away should be invested in new technology to make sure that we have Lamborghinis that turn into robots that fight each other. It’s a new take on UFC, WWE and Boxing we admit, but GOD DAMN IT ZUCKERBERG this could be fuckin’ huge! Don’t let us down!

5. Buy a Football Club with the $45 Billion.


We understand if you think it’s a bad idea to use the $45 billion to buy a football club especially as they’re not really the best investment, they lose millions and can be a ball-ache to make successful.

If Mark picked up a team such as Tranmere Rovers he could completely turn that team around! We are talking real life Football Manager!

In fact fuck it why stop at Tranmere Rovers?! Buy Manchester United and stop them from being so fucking boring by playing no Goalkeeper and 9 up front with Van Gaal in centre mid. Goals guaranteed.

6. Create a Porn Version of the Show ‘Million Pound Drop’ Called ‘Million Pound Slut Drop’


Now this is a very simple idea that we could see on BBC1 prime time and will certainly have the Sex Factor.

We take the show ‘Million Pound Drop’ and create a similar show, but add much more sex appeal.

Okay so you could argue that it would be like porn, but let’s face it lads and ladies who love a rug would love to see a sexy trout win a million pounds so please Mr Zuckerberg do what you need to do.

7. Resurrect Tupac Shakur


If there was any one in the world with enough money to make it happen it would be you Zuckerberg so get in the lab and begin to work on a way to bring back Tupac from the dead.

We don’t want him to kick start his rap career NO… we want to hold the greatest boxing match ever between Tupac and Kanye West.

Our guess would be that Kanye would lose his shit and announce he will run for president. Wait… What? Oh shit. He already has?

8. Give the $45 Billion to Us!