8 Cars to Get You Laid

  1. Ice Cream Van

Scouting for Trout Ice

Every trout loves ice cream, so when she asks for a Mr Whippy be rest assured that you can provide the much needed flake to stick in her cone. With it’s own soundtrack and plenty of space in the back to shag in-between the space invaders this one’s a winner. Just make sure that the red sauce is the one you’d want to put on top of your ice cream and not a by product of an over-excited trout.

2. Ambulance will get you laid!

Scouting For Trout Ambulance

With lots of private space and drugs a plenty an ambulance is an excellent choice to get those panties on the floor in no time.  There can be no doubt that an ambulance is an EPIC shagging location that can you out of an awkward spot quickly.

Imagine spiraling through the busy streets of London, trout in toe at any speed you wanted just because you fucking can. If that cant impress your trout she ain’t worth it. Plus what better chat up line for when a trout asks you why you drive an ambulance? “I make hearts stop and have to be prepared”. #Winning

3. Wheelchair

Scouting For Trout Wheelchair

Trout will be all over you saying, “You poor thing…” it’s a conversation starter and you can park it anywhere you want with plenty of disabled spacing everywhere. Obviously you will have to come clean at some point and she will think you’re a complete dick and rightly so, but you should always look at the glass as being half full and an opportunity is an opportunity.

4. Modified Vauxhall Corsa

scouting for trout Vauxhall

Okay so it’s a chav car, but it can still turn a few heads. It might not be for the right reasons, but attention is attention after all. Just make sure to get one that has a wicked paint job and remember that stripes will make it go faster. You’ll need to lower it as well so that when Trout attempt to get into your chavtastic corsa you get more of an eye full. Just don’t forget to get a student card for that free cheeseburger when you go through the McDonald’s drive through, you need to treat her well after all in order to get you laid.

5. SMART Car

scouting for trout smart

There is only room for two, but what else do you need? A smart car makes sex interesting as you try and position yourself in the smallest space possible. Plus none of your mates will be able to get lifts from the pub as you only have the two seats.

6. Chinese Delivery Car

scouting for trout takeaway

Those sons of bitches are fast! And what trout doesn’t love the smell of prawn crackers and fried rice coming from a car? Just make sure it’s not what her crotch smells of in a morning you kinky bastard.

7. Builder’s Van to get you laid

Scouting for Trout van

The good old fashioned builder’s van comes free with a copy of the Daily Record, ripped up betting slips and tools that will get you out of any sticky situation. The best thing about pulling in a builder’s van is you’ll be able to repair your trout’s back doors after you have smashed them in when you get laid.

8. Hearse

Scouting for Trout Hearse

Every trout loves a hard stiffy and this is no exception. Okay so a gothic trout might be up for this more than a regular trout, but everyone loves to do some weird shit now and then.