1. The Fresh Start


What you need to get out of the friend zone is a second chance at a first impression, so naturally what you need to do is fake your own death.

Perhaps you had a long lost twin that no one knew about? Your trout will never suspect a thing by having your funeral and then going to it as a new person. You better give yourself a cool name like Ace, actually scratch that, but think of a fucking cool name nonetheless.

This time you will be cool, confident, this time she will LIKE like you. If she has any concerns just use the line ‘He would of wanted it this way’ it will get her every time, plus grieving trout are always the best trout to catch like salmon jumping out of a Scottish River. It’s the perfect plan just make sure she doesn’t kill you in the process.

2. The Secret


What you need is a secret to get out of the friend zone, trout like mystery so you’re going to need a bloody good secret. And no we are not talking about you doing a Caitlyn Jenner.

Also we’re not talking about something creepy like you see dead people or what happened between you and your creepy uncle.

What you need is a good secret like the fact you are a super hero, or a vampire or a spy, or all three. Slip some pants and a cape into your laundry act moody and stay out of sun light; hire a Russian in a suit to ask questions about you and the stage is set. She will be won over over by your ora of mystery for sure. Just don’t ask for a martini at the bar shaken not stirred as you will look like a twat.

3. The Other Woman


If she does not like you then fine! Get out of the friend zone and simply get another trout!

She needs to be a hot one for sure and if you can grab a celeb at the same time then you really are in business.

Do you know what trout really love? Being part of your plan to make someone jealous.

4. The Real Change


Enough of the ‘get help’ bullshit, it is time for some real change.

The only way to win that trout over is to improve yourself and be a better person.

So get off your fat lazy arse and work out, read books, buy better clothes, learn cooking and fancy ways to describe wine like the word rose.


5. The End


Finally there is only one way out of the friend zone and that is walking away from it.

You both still like each other and you hang out occasionally, but only as friends, and because you are not trying so damn hard it is actually good.

Things are actually better, more comfortable and the reality is after all the plans the one thing that actually works is doing as little as possible.