Some fishermen want to avoid wearing a condom during sex, it is never a good idea to go fishing without protecting, however, if you want to avoid wearing a condom here are 5 fool proof excuses, but not recommended…

  1. You will Not Make Me Cum, You’re Not That Hot

Condoms Scouting for Trout

Okay there might absolutely be no need for you to wear a condom if the trout you have found looks like a rotting gold fish that has died whilst you have been on holiday.

If you found your trout at the bottom of the ocean then chances are her face is contraception enough, because if she is ugly as shit then you are not going to cum so problem solved.

2. There is always the Anal?

Condoms 1 Scouting for trout

Tell her not to worry!

She does not want to have sex without a condom, that’s fine, you never had one anyway, but there is always a solution to every problem. And in this case the solution is anal!

This is the perfect alternative but you will need to wash your dick afterwards as it will be covered in shit unless you get her to go down on you, but that’s just fucking wrong and if you do like that then you’re a sick fuck!

Anal sex is a lot like cooking as you think you know what you are doing, but it inevitably ends up being a mess and chances are it always looks better when you see it done online.

3. Its Big Enough to Be Mistaken For Peter Crouch

Condoms 2 Scouting for R

If your trout is adamant to you wearing a condom then you are going to have to let her know what you are packing.

If you’re packing so much that sometimes your knob is mistaken for the professional footballer Peter Crouch then you might not have one that fits. It happens, just not in China…

4. You Cannot get a STI if you have all of the STIs

Condoms 3 Scouting for Trout

If you and your partner have every STi going then there is no need for a condom as what are you to be protected from? Chances are you won’t have long left so enjoy it while it lasts and make sure you tell others not to be a dick like you!

5. The Student Union Were All Out of Condoms

Condoms 5 Scouting for Trout

As a student you know full well that you can get condoms for free and when you are struggling for money every penny counts. A fellow student will understand unless they have a rich Mummy or Daddy, but be careful or you will be the Daddy and not for the right reasons