First Date

1.  Have a Fake Job

astro scouting for trout

Face it whether you work as a chartered accountant or a waiter at Nandos no Trout cares.  Trout find talking about your job boring and to let you in on a secret they do not care what you do for a living, so why not use this to your advantage and take the moment to spice up your life with a little white lie.

Do not tell her you are play for Manchester United unless you can get away with saying that you are part of the youth team or if you are going to say an astronaut, just say that you are still training. You could tell your Trout that you are a spy, but that if she tells anyone you have a license to kill and maybe that could work too.

2. Be Confident about Your Achievements

tyson scouting for trout

There’s a difference between being confident and being a bragging twat. Pick achievements that will impress her and turn her on, there’s nothing like saving elephants or orphans or going round for round with Mike Tyson.

Remember Scouters it doesn’t have to be true, it just has to be enough to tease the trout out of the water and into your net.

3. Have a Wingman for your First Date

wingman scouting for trout

Even on your first date you need a wingman who you can call for support if the trout is drowning, they will be able to give you hands on advice and in the event of an emergency can offer you an excuse to leave the date.

A wingman is also important for prior the date they can give you the best lines and tips to make sure you catch a good trout.

4. Do the Ground Work before your First Date

comp scouting for trout

This is a sensitive subject as doing the ground work means finding out relevant information about the trout so that you can slide it into the conversation, but remember Scouters, “Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail”.

This does not mean a full blown stalking session on Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook, but a good Scout should always have the tools to do the job not blame them. Try to pick out relevant information like what she likes, what topical things she is talking about and generally anything useful you can have in the back pocket. Do not just pull out “Oh so how was Magaluf in 2010” she will be off that fishing line quicker than you can say stop.


5. Create a story she can tell her friends about during your First Date

goss scouting for trout

It’s a fact that after a first date trout gossip with their friends, so make sure you give her a good story to tell her friends. You don’t have to be super romantic, but unless you give her a reason to stick around a trout and her school of fish can be a massive cock block.


6.Rapport is key on a First Date

date scouting for trout

Rapport with trout is essential as when you try to get her back to the bedroom it will make it a hell of a lot easier. The best way to build rapport is to ask questions about the trout, this ‘showing an interest’ is what trout look for, and the bottom line is people like talking about themselves so let your trout talk on the first date.

7. Give them the flirt, smile and wink

flirt scouting for trout

This technique is the trout’s weak point and it is exactly what it says on the tin. Give them a bit of flanter (flirty banter) and follow it up with a smile then a wink. Look out for a trout’s nervous laugh then you know it has been received. What this does is it says to the trout that you’re looking for a shag but in a cheeky chappy sort of way. A bit of flanter goes a long way.

8. Avoid activity dates on a First Date

rock scouting for trout

Do not suggest dates like rock climbing or 5 aside football because a trout hates those kinds of activities. Water based activities of course are best as there is nothing worse than a fish out of water, however, the best suggestion is going for a drink.

It’s a classic date scenario and best of all you can get drunk keep, push the conversation boundaries, just don’t drink too much otherwise you might struggle with your tackle later on in the evening.


9. If you can make a trout laugh then you can make her do anything on a First Date

lol scouting for trout

There is nothing more attractive than a sense of humour so use what you can, as I said before stick to flanter as the trout will always take the bait. Avoid Christmas crackers and edgy material you are on a date not Frankie Boyle at the 02.

10. Always try to close the deal on a First Date

funny scouting for trout

One of the main reasons that guys do not end up shagging on the first date is because they don’t ask! They just assume it will magically happen like in the movies, let’s get fucking real shall we? It never happens like it does in the movies.

Have a line prepared before she gets in the taxi like “I had a really good time tonight, what time will I book your taxi to pick you up from my place tomorrow?” It’s a funny line that is not as cheesy as “Do you want to come back for some coffee” or as blatant as “Fancy a fuck?”