After hearing that a man has crashed his Lamborghini during a street car race we have decide to give the people who drive like dicks on the road a life lesson in what to do if you crash.

This dickhead driver was caught texting right after wrapping his own supercar around a tree, so here are 10 things you should not do after crashing your Lamborghini. Presuming it’s your bastard Lamborghini in the first place

  1. Slap a Police Woman’s Arse

Lamborghini Scouting for Trout

Okay so you’ve just crashed your £250,000 Lamborghini and the police turn up on the scene to asses the situation. Naturally the first thing that might pop into your head is to to slap the hot police Trout’s arse. But luckily for you Trout fans we are here to tell you no.

It’s a misconception that all female cops are strippers, trust us when we say it’s likely that only Nuns are strippers.

If you slap the ass of a female police officer as soon as you crash your lamborghini then you better like slapping the ass of a man called Gary in prison because it will be the only ass you have for a while.

2. Update Your Facebook Status with a Paul Walker Quote

Lamborghini 1 Scouting for Trout

We all loved Paul Walker and what happened was a tragedy, however, if as soon as you crash your supercar you update your status with a quote from him you will look like a massive twat.

Honestly what a dick move crashing your own car and then going on your social media to quote a man who died in a car crash. Hopefully you will quote JFK after someone shoots you.

3. Buy Christmas Presents

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Do you really think you have the funds to start your crimbo shopping right after you have crashed your very expensive car? Unless you’re some rich dick you should be doing your shopping in Poundland and stocking up on that £1 chocolate that you’ve never heard of.

4. Call The Insurance Company

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If you think they’re going to pay up after they find out your Lamborghini is not in fact a Nissan Micra 1.2, then you have another thing coming. Plus you can fuck off if they think they will pay for it when you tell then you crashed it by driving 155mph and then wrapped it round a tree. A good buffing might sound appealing, but it just ain’t going to cut it.

There’s more chance of pulling Jennifer Lawrence at the World Cup Final that Scotland actually qualify for…

5. Become an Ambassador for Safe Driving

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Slightly hypocritical don’t you think?

6. Enter a Slut Drop Contest With Nicki Minaj

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If you have crashed chances are you’ll be in A&E and in no position to be entering any kind of booty contest weather that be twerking or slut dropping.

Don’t get us wrong having Nicki on your side is a great team mate to have, and you would have a serious shot at winning, BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT! The point is getting your ass into hospital not the dance floor.

7. Buy a Vauxhall Corsa

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This would be a real story of riches to rags.

Going from a Lamborghini to a Vauxhall Corsa would be suicide. In fact you may as well cut your own dick off as we would rather be caught at a Take That concert with our mum.

You may have to down grade to a lesser car but please do not make it a Vauxhall Corsa!

8. Sue Lamborghini

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We’re not talking about some random Italian bird called Susan. It was your own fucking fault you crashed it do not blame a manufacturer!

9. Become a Driving Instructor

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After your little ‘incident’ you may be looking a possible new career path, we suggest you avoid becoming a driving instructor as you obviously have as much skill driving as a piss head has at walking.

What do you think you could teach young drivers? How to be a dick on the road?

10. Claim Disability Benefits

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If you have a Lamborghini then you are rich enough to look after yourself so do not try to milk the system and claim disability benefits