1. On a big fat pile of money

money scouting for trout

If you are going to shag your trout then you are going to have to do it like a real man, which means doing it on a big pile of money. Okay, so you might not be Money Mayweather with 100 dollar bills, but even if you are shagging on a bunch of coppers at least you are getting some action.

2. On a Volcano

volcano scouting for trout

Real men love danger and that means having sex in the most dangerous place of all, on a stinking hot volcano. Now it’s true your trout will be like a fish out of water, but she will be flowing like hot magma all over your subway footlong as you rescue her from the fiery pits of hell.

3. In a classic car while on a sinking ship

titanic scouting for trout

If it’s good enough for Leonardo DiCaprio then it is good enough for you.

Your trout will be in her natural element surrounded by sea water and will be wet through. Just don’t ever “let go” of her whilst on the sinking boat… because we all remember what happened to Jack in Titanic and its more than likely that the bitch will lie to you and leave you for dead.

4. On someone else’s kitchen counter

kitchen scouting for trout

Men don’t have sex in their own kitchen that’s where you eat, so have sex in someone else’s; you’re a man not a monster. Next time you’re over at your friends having a couples night make sure you do it in their kitchen, the smell of chips in the oven will really make your trout gagging for a battering.

5. On the goal line of your favourite football team’s ground

Goal scouting for trout

Every man is in love with their football team. So it’s simple combine your love of your club with that of your trout. If she understand your need to do such a task then she’s definitely a kipper…

6. At your enemy’s wedding

wedding scouting for trout

Remember Dave who made fun of you in the office 3 months and the cute trout laughed and you felt stupid, yeah? Well have sex at his wedding it will be the perfect way to get back at him. If you are feeling really confident have sex at his funeral as well. From one stiffy to another it’s always important to fit in…

7. On a Police Car

police scouting for trout

Who cares if you get arrested, you’re a man so shag your trout on the hood of a police car with your own baton and show her who’s boss.  If it means spending the night in a police cell who cares ? It’s a superb sex story for the lads down the pub.

8. On the great wall of china

wall scouting for trout

Not for all the tea in china huh? It’s a long way to go for a brew, but chances are you’ll never get caught just lost in a never ending wall.

9. On a ski lift

ski scouting for trout

This is a bit of a challenge but nothing you can’t handle, you’re a man after all.

We would avoid this if you have a fear of frostbite on your meat and two veg and a stuck arse that you can’t move off the lift, but everything within reason should be tried once.

Just remember to have a good stretch prior as you’ll be put into some uncomfortable positions as you put undo your winter warmers.

10. In number 10 Downing Street

10 scouting for trout

Finally, the ultimate shag pad! The prime ministers crib! He allegedly fucked a pig so it’s only fair you fuck a trout in his house, right?