1. Fuck it go to Ibiza
Let’s get real, you only have one life to live and why not use your money to live the high life and worry about things afterwards. Ibiza ain’t cheap, but a student loan can go a long way in a day! Plus, at least you will have a story to tell… that is unless you get that wasted you can’t remember what happened
2. Wolf of Wall Street House Party
So buying a midget and throwing him or her about could be quite costly in a generation where if there’s blame there is a claim, but as your very own wolf the trout will come flocking. Just make sure you bait your line for that perfect catch of the day.
3. Buy a tiger
Mike Tyson had one, Scarface had one and you should have one. You may not be allowed pets in your student halls or house, but who the fuck’s going to mess with you when they see a 300 pound tiger staring them down.
Owning your own tiger is a must and a great way to make a dent in that student loan.
4. Get a tattoo that you will regret
Most graduate job employers might not want their employees to have visible tattoos, but with the job market the way it is, who really gives a fuck anyway. A tattoo to the face is always a talking point after all.
5. Pay someone to write your essays for you
Money well spent? Maybe, you just have to find the right geek or nerd to help. Failing that a good Google search should always find some sort of essay online to buy. It’s a risk, but if it means more trout time, one well spent.
6. Start a Champagne Society
Life ends the minute University is over, so why not enjoy the high life whilst you have the time to enjoy it. But none of that Aldi shit, go all out and get some Dom, not just a friend called Dominic. You may run out of cash from your student loan, but fuck it your parents can’t hate you forever?
7. Buy a shit car and then crash it
Go to your local used car dealership and buy the shittiest car you can find and buy it. It may seem like madness and it won’t cost all of your student loan, but it does not have to be perfect for what we are going to be doing. Get a load of your mates and absolutely trash it to fuck, rip out car seats, smash the windows, dent the bonnet and if you are feeling extra confident Molotov cocktail that bitch. Every trout loves a rebel without a cause and although you might not be James Dean, it’s closest thing to the Inbetweeners you’re going to get.
8. Pay your Parents Back for everything they have done for you…
HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah right!
9. Buy a shit load of lottery tickets
See it more as an investment! You have to be in it to win it and your odds improve the more tickets you have. Going red or black is so unoriginal, plus at least you know if you lose your student loan it has gone to good causes and every trout loves a do-gooder.
10. Sponsor a football club
Teams like Tranmere Rovers would be walking over hot coals for a merely £1 and what better conversation starter than to tell everyone around you that you sponsor a football club. Everyone knows getting involved with football clubs is a recipe for disaster so your parents will understand when they have to come and bail you out after you have spent all of your student loan.