10 Amazing Places to Ask for Sex
- Ask for Sex in Church
While sitting in church on a Sunday with a hangover from hell you might think it’s just reward for all the sins you have committed, but you might just be tempted to ask for sex from the cute bible trout that is a few pews ahead of you to see if she wants quick shag in the confession box.
It’s the best place for freaky kinky sex with a trout that wants to repent. Okay chances are you will end up going to hell either that or in hospital with a sore hand due to the amount of high fives your mates will be giving you.
2. Ask for Sex in Sea World
Getting shag from a trout in her natural habitat is the best sex you can have. Imagine having sex up against the glass of the sea lion exhibit while they watch (Sea Lions are pervs if you didn’t know it already).
If you do get to expert level then get the wild life involved. Use a Starfish as a dildo, grab an octopus as a butt plug and if you are feeling extra adventurous get a BJ in the shark tank, it will bring a whole new meaning to Jaws.
3. Ask for Sex In a Santa’s Grotto
Is there anything better than asking Santa’s little helper for a quickie in the back of the grotto in order to empty your big red sack?
It’s the perfect opportunity to find out who has been naughty and who has been nice! We would recommend that all children are removed before starting so you can avoid a lawsuit, plus no kid wants to see mummy’s big red nose of a clit whilst shagging Santa it will ruin their dream of Christmas.
4. Ask for Sex On a Bus
The Mega Bus provides you the perfect opportunity for some sex. Find a secluded spot and find a trout to meet eyes with. Make eye contact raise your eyebrows and hope for the best.
Before you know it the wheels on the bus will go around and round all day long.
5. Ask for Sex In a Retirement Home
What you’re looking for here is a velveteen rub (Getting a blow job from a woman who has removed a full set of dentures. In lemans terms a toothless blow job).
It will require some serious skill as most old people are more interested in watching Bargain Hunt, but use this to your advantage and tell them your David Dickinson, it’s like saying you’re Harry Styles in a room full of Directioners.
6. Ask for Sex While in Court
We’re guessing you are in court for some kind of sexual crime (we are guessing from pulling a velveteen rub), but don’t stop there try and pull the judge! Worse case scenario that you end up with a harsher sentence and a corporal sentence of spanking.
7. Ask for Sex In B&Q
You need to be an expert lad to pull this one off.
First, try and get some ‘assistance’ from one of the trout that works in the drilling aisle and ask if she can give you a screwdriver while you lay a patio down in her lady garden. If she seems keen you are on to a winner and it’s their job to give great customer service. Just hope the painters aren’t in.
8. Ask for Sex While in Prison
You will get sex very easily in prison, but it will be with a 6ft 9 bloke called Daisy.
9. Ask for Sex At a Funeral
Death is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Trout just lust for good shag after they have lost a loved one, so make the most of this by asking for a cheeky bit of sex during the wake. Having sex in the casket is probably going a bit to far, but at least one stiffy will remain in the living.
10. Ask for Sex Whilst at Disney Land
There’s nothing wrong with trying to get a BJ on the teacup ride so we say go for it! The poor trout will probably gag because of dizziness rather than your length, but Disney World is the place where dreams are made of.
During the parade see if you can try and pull one of the Disney princesses. We all know that Cinderella is a bit filthy so what have you got to lose?