Going to McDonalds for a first date is perfect she will love that you have taken the time and effort to take her to the world’s most popular restaurant. She’ll be so excited by the fact you can have a whole meal under £5, the only issue she will be having is getting your super sized sausage after the meal. She’ll be lovin’ it.
McDonalds is ideal as it lays the perfect foundation for your trout to be gobbling on your McNuggets after you get her back to your place. We don’t know what it is, but something about McDonalds that seems to get trout turned on. Maybe it’s the fillet of fish, but top trout tip… don’t pay extra for the sauce, it is a first date not meeting her parents!
2. Laser Quest
If there is one thing we reckon is that trout love being in a dark room whilst being chased by make shift weaponry. We won’t go as far to say it is the ultimate aphrodisiac, however, when she gets a taste of player 12’s elite skill in laser warfare she’ll be opening her legs faster than a smack heads giro.
If she thinks this is an inappropriate date (Frankly we cannot see why she would say that) then she is clearly not the one for you. She’s no Princess Leia and deserves to go Han Solo.
3. Football Game
To really get your trout turned on a first date take her to a football match.
Don’t bother finding out what team she supports or even if she likes football just take her a game that your local team are playing in.
A football match makes the perfect first date idea as you only really get to know someone once they get involved with some racist and sectarian chants.
4. Pub with the Lads
Fuck getting to know the trout just take her to your local boozer and get her involved with the lads!
Trout love standing around in an old man’s pub which smells like piss, whilst talking to a bunch of pricks about football and how much pussy Mad Dog Dave got at the weekend.
Nothing gets a trout frothy like a pint of larger, packet of scampi fries, a shot on the fruit machine and a fingering round the back of the skips. Who says romance is dead?
5. Your Drug Dealers House
Take her to your drug dealer’s den.
She’ll love the intimacy of a house that smells of weed and especially one that has a blue light coming from the shed in the back garden.
You’ll have your trout eating out of the palm of your hands… but only because the weed brownies you gave her have started to take full affect.
Let’s be honest though, it’s not really much of a date as most of the time you’ll be trying to find the Pringles and pissing yourself laughing at You’ve Been Framed.
6. A Wedding
Who says men can’t be in committed relationships?
Let your trout know that you’re looking long term by making your first date at the wedding of Mad Dog Daves.
We guarantee she will be so over whelmed by your kind gesture that she’ll not be able to hold back and will end up shagging you in the coat room during the speeches.
Worst case scenario, she leaves and you do not end up shagging her, have a go for the bridesmaids instead.
7. Alton Towers
Probably not you could end up losing a leg…
8. Her Ex-Boyfriends House
Yeah show your trout how much of a man you really are by having a Netflix and chill session at her ex-boyfriends house.
This is a bit risky as you could end up with the shit being kicked out of you especially if this trout has not technically broken up with him, but live life on the edge we say and go for it!
This is really good for those EMO trout who get turned on by the dead. Take a picnic and make a night of it.
10. Back Seat of Your Nissan Micra
This is expert level for first dates, trying to pull a dogging session in the back of your Nissan Micra.
It will take some serious skill, but not because of your looks or personality – it’s the fact you own a Micra. Get past that hurdle and then go for a horse inspired straddle over the two seats ensuring the gear knob ain’t the one creating the pleasure.